Episode 14 – The Choice : Embrace the possible

This can be a life changing read – this beautifully written memoir is not just fitting for the time we are in today but personally has been helpful in releasing the pent up anger and frustration I have subjected myself to.

Its 1944 and a 16 year old ballerina is sent to Auswichz along with her sister and her parents. She inadvertently sends her mother to her death and watches her literally go up in flames. She doesn’t get to say goodbye to her father. She ends up dancing for the infamous Dr Mengele and eventually is pulled out from among a bunch of dead bodies, presumed to dead. She not just survives to tell the tale but goes back to Auswichz decades later, now a trained psychologist herself to find closure, for not to forgive is to hold oneself hostage to the past.

The book I am talking about is “The Choice – Embrace the possible” – Dr Edith Eva Eger

“What happened can never be forgotten and never be changed but over time I learnt, I can choose, how I can respond to the past. I can be miserable or I can be hopeful. I can be depressed or I can be happy. We always have that choice” I am here. This is now.

Such an incredibly uplifting book this – the only other book I cried for was Book thief. If you are looking at making peace with yourself and understand what is happening currently in the world around us- do yourself a favor and please get a copy.

“The truth is we will have unpleasant experiences in our life. We will make mistakes – we won’t always get what we want – this is part of being human. The problem and the foundation of our persistent suffering is the belief that discomfort, mistakes, disappointment signal something about our worth – the belief that unpleasant things in our life is all we deserve”

In the first section of the book, Dr Edith talks about her childhood, her dreams of making the Olympic team at Ballet and her juvenile love – one that probably let us stay afloat. She watches everything she has known in life disappear almost overnight.

But she is resilient –

“To be passive is to let others decide for you. To be aggressive is to decide for others. To be assertive is to decide for yourself. And to trust that there is enough, that you are enough.”

She survives as she lives for the sister that accompanies are, drawing strength from each other

As she moves to the second part, Dr Edith has physically gotten away from Auschiwz but even as she marries, moves to US and has kids, she continues to fight the battles in her head.

The narrative comes a complete circle when she finally finds herself back to where it all started to exorcise the ghosts of her own past

“She quotes Carl Rogers – ‘when we come to believe that there is no way to be loved and be genuine, we risk denying our true nature. Self acceptance is the hardest part of healing”

In conclusion, Dr Edith, now an eminent psychologist talks about her patients and their struggles with acceptance. In guilt she still tries to overcome about not lying when she was asked in the ‘selection line’, if the lady next to her was her mother or sister. In speaking the truth, she sent her to her death – a fact that continues to haunt her. As she narrated the story of the couple who lost their teen son – the ‘what-if’ questions that continued to haunt them – it found resonance in this feeling I have been trying to look away from. With the hope that maybe if I don’t think about it long enough – it might go away. The fact that I constantly question my decisions that might have probably saved my dad – or even given me a chance to say good bye.

“When we don’t give ourselves a chance to grieve, we are doomed to constantly reliving them”

It is also a fitting reminder of the times we live in.

“Edith wonders as she passes a group of young men – ‘ has my generation taught the youth well to prevent another holocaust from occurring. Or will our hard earned freedom capsize into a new sea of hate”

She says ,’Find the bigot in you. Find the part in you that is judging – assigning labels – diminishing another humanity, making others less than who they are”.

We all have a choice. The choice to accept myself as I am – human and  imperfect. I have the choice to be responsible for my own happiness. I can’t ever chance the past – but there is a life I can save – it is mine. The one I am living right now.

“Time doesn’t heal. It’s what you do with time. Healing is possible when we choose to take responsibility, when we choose to take risks, and finally, when we choose to release the wound, to let go of the past or the grief”.